


Let me go.. I don't want to be your hero.

by svrbug



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, No really this is not a happy story, everyone died
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 03:55:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15162026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svrbug/pseuds/svrbug
Summary: Emma was so tired of being a hero. Being a savior. Her responsibility as savior made sure that her family would be the first casualty in every battle. She had found herself cursing the fate too often lately. She didn't asked to be put on pedestal like some kind of a demigod. Every time they threw her a party for every battle won she wondered if they ever noticed that she always come back bloodied.ONESHOT. NOT A HAPPY STORY!





	Let me go.. I don't want to be your hero.

 

_Welcome to Storybrooke._

 

Although it stood crooked and full of rust, the old sign at the town line seemed to be mocking her. Emma remembered the first time she crossed the town line with Henry in tow, she almost swerved the car because she suddenly felt a very weird feeling in her chest. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable but it was foreign to her, like she had never felt before. 

 

The foreign feeling grew stronger the longer she stayed in Storybrooke. Until one day in her third year in this town,  she found herself almost bursting with it. She had been nursing her beer watching her family laughing and chatting after a full out Thanksgiving dinner at Regina's mansion. Everyone was happy and content, even Regina good naturedly rolled her eyes instead of her usual barbs towards whatever her mom was spewing about.

 

Emma never dreamt of finding home, not like this.

 

She fixed her eyes at the stretch of road in front of her and sighed. The air above the town line glimmered with colourful magic and she can feel it thrumming like a long forgotten song even though she was currently sitting in her bug a few feet away, one foot firm on the brake pedal.

 

She would be the first to admit that she was scared shitless. She had been too comfortable in this isolated bubble of a magical town that the thought of the outside world making her drenched in cold sweat. 

 

Some savior she was. 

 

She scoffed at that unbidden thought. That title had brought nothing but hardship and misery in her short life in this town. Her responsibility as savior made sure that her family would be the first casualty in every battle. She had found herself cursing the fate too often lately. She didn't asked to be put on pedestal like some kind of a demigod. Every time they threw her a party for every battle won she wondered if they ever noticed that she always come back bloodied.

 

Her parents were the worst of them all. Hopeful speeches and heroic rhetoric day in and day out. Whenever Regina mocked them, Emma found herself relieved that she wasn't the only one feeling suffocated. But both of her parents were gone. 

 

Snow and David decided to sacrifice themselves to save the town. Emma scowled at the memory. To save the town. Like a hero they were. Somehow the town was much more important than their daughter. Or their infant son. What a joke her life was. She didn't ask to be the daughter of Snow White and fucking Prince Charming. She just wanted mom and dad. A normal one with no destiny bullshit tied to them in anyway.

 

She remembered when Henry first told her that she was a savior. She remembered clearly how she scoffed and laughed at him thinking it was a joke. 

 

_But Henry is also gone._

It was so chaotic and everything was happening so fast that she didn't even realized it at the time. By the time she finally managed to put her sword through the heart of the wayward wizard, she was so exhausted that she was so ready to pass out. She turned around to see the relieved faces of her family but what she saw instead made her blood grew cold. 

 

Henry was so small. At almost 13 years old, he stood as tall as her shoulder. And she was convinced that he would be taller than her before he could even drive. But right now, he looked so small. Just a little boy. 

 

He was crumpled on the forest floor, both of his eyes open unseeing. When did that happen? Why didn't she heard anything? She tried to remember if there was any stray magic getting past her magical shield earlier. She tried to remember if Henry ever called her name. She tried desperately to find his pulse, throwing magic after healing magic into his little body. Hoping for a miracle. 

 

Emma didn't know how long she was kneeling beside her son before Ruby found her. Each time she tried to get her to move, Emma refused and held fast to Henry. Ruby had said something but there was only one thing reverberating in her mind at the time:

 

_How am I going to tell Regina?_

_Emma.. please._ Ruby had pleaded but Emma didn't remember for what. 

 

Shockingly for her, Regina didn't even mad at her. Well, more like she avoided Emma and stopped talking to her altogether. She locked herself in her mansion and nobody had seen or heard about her. No one in town even talked about her, it was just like the mayor didn't exist anymore.

 

The life in town went back to almost normal after that. They were good at that. This wasn't their first rodeo anyway. Except for Emma. Her life won't ever feel normal again. Not after her lost.

 

She tried to drown herself in her old routine at first. When it didn't work, she obsessively patrol the forest and the town border for another rogue portal or threat. Her paranoia grew each day and she kept missing sleep at night. 

 

She was slowly losing her mind.

 

Then one day Emma found herself standing on Regina's doorstep, glaring at the white door with bloodshot eyes and her right hand trembling in the air ready to knock. When Regina finally opened the door, Emma crumbled at Regina's feet from the weight on her shoulder. That night she slept restlessly with Regina holding her. 

 

The next morning, she declared herself retiring from being a savior. She was so tired all this time and she just wanted to finally stop. The town could take care for themselves for now on, she insisted to Regina. But her paranoia didn't vanished at her declaration and she was itching to go patrol the border again. So, she decided she needed to find a way to permanently made sure the town would be safe from any threat before she proceed with her retirement. 

 

Emma scoured Regina's collection of magical books for solutions day and night. Sometimes Regina would sit with her and answered her questions about some of the advanced theory of magic but most of the time she was left alone in the study while Regina continued to isolated herself in Henry's room. Emma had avoided going into that room because she didn't know if she could be strong enough to see a room full of her son's memories. After all, it was Regina's house and she didn't want to intrude more than she was right now. 

 

With every failing spells that she tried, Emma grew more frustrated and restless. More than once her magic exploded in frustration. Each time, Regina would come to her from wherever she was and see her standing frozen in the middle of the carnage. She never scolded Emma for destroying her home. She just took her hand and guide her upstairs to the master bedroom. 

 

And each time, Emma instantly deflated at Regina's touch and let herself be herded away. Their relationship had somehow turned into something more intimate although none of them talk about it. And Emma didn't want to shatter the illusion either so she just let herself be content for a while longer. At night they fell into bed together and hold each other in their sleep. 

 

Emma didn't know how many days she had been sleeping at the mansion. It could have been weeks for all she knows. The days were starting to blur together. The only happy moment was in the morning when she first woke up and it shattered the next moment when she remembered that her life wasn't the same anymore. 

 

And this morning was the same. She woke up in Regina's embrace with a small smile playing on her lips. She sleepily opened her eyes and found a pair of brown eyes were watching her. She noticed that the once vibrant colour and full of life now dull. And sad. Emma stretched out and smiled at the brunette. She kissed her lips with a mumbled good morning. Another day to go without Henry. Without her parents. She let out a small sigh and get up to start the day.

 

_Emma.._

Emma closed her eyes for a moment to stopped herself from flinching. The voice that once full of command and power now sound so weak and small. She didn't remember when was the last time she heard Regina talk with her normal voice, nowadays she didn't talk much and only whispered to answer Emma's questions. 

 

She didn't know how to bring back the old Regina. Emma kinda missed her. Hell, she would even take the Evil Queen or the mean Mayor instead of this meak version. But this was that all left, a shell of a broken woman. And Emma didn't know how to fix her. 

 

_Emma, please let me go.._

Emma instantly opened her eyes and turned to frown at the brunette. She stared and stared because she didn't understand what Regina was saying. She tried to form a word to ask but her mouth just gape uselessly. 

 

She was still gawking when Regina get up on her knees and put her hands on Emma's face. She looked into the brown eyes searching for any hints but what she saw only sadness. 

 

_Emma, I can't stay like this anymore._

What are you saying? That was what her mind was screaming but she still can't find her voice in her confusion. Emma continued to bore her eyes blankly at the brunette. She had no idea when she started to fall in love with the woman but she did. And she thought Regina felt the same, if by the nights they spent together were any indication.

 

Regina kept holding her face with pleading eyes. Emma closed her eyes once more and tried to lean into the warmth of Regina's hands. Shocked, her eyes flew open and she staggered back from the woman until she found her back against the wall. 

 

A pitiful sound of whimper came out unbiddenly from her throat. Her eyes widened in realization. Regina was still sitting on her knees on the bed. But she looked like she didn't belong. Not in this room. Not with Emma. 

 

Now she realized that she had never registered Regina's warmth before even though they ended up snuggling together every night. Regina never talk unless Emma asked her a direct question. How she thought Regina's eyes always looked empty or how sometimes she grimaced like just being here hurts.

 

The blonde had dismissed it as grief and sorrow after Henry's passing. Never in her life would she expect this. 

 

Emma slid down the wall and sob histerically. 

 

_No. No. You can't be gone too. You can't leave me too._

She racked her brain for her memories of the day of the funeral. She was so busy accepting condolences from the citizen of the town that she somehow missed that she was not only burying her parents and her son, but his other mother too. She was so distraught she had let Ruby took charge of the funeral arrangements. Apparently, she blacked out most of it from her memories. 

 

Regina, this Regina that hadn't been living but not gone yet either, slid out of the bed and tried to hug her. Emma noticed then that Regina's body didn't feel cold, just a feeling like something that was barely there. How did she missed that?

 

_You're leaving me too._

 

_Emma, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I don't know what to do. I'm here but I am also not really here. I don't belong here, darling._

_No, Regina, please. I need you. What should I do? Please tell me. I don't know how to fix this. Tell me how to fix this. Don't leave me, please._

_Sweetheart. I'm.. dead._

 

Emma's heart broke into pieces hearing the confirmation from the brunette's mouth. She didn't know if she could ever come back from this. She had lost everything. She had no one left. 

Emma tried to find solutions in the magical books at first but she was afraid that Regina would just simply disappeared into thin air if she so much as blink. So, they spent the day just snuggled up into each other. She didn't want to let her go but she could see clearly now how much misery Regina was in. She hated herself for feeling so selfish. 

 

That night, she traced Regina's face reverently from her forehead to the nose, the scar, the lips and the chin. She wanted to memorized every inch of Regina. She wanted to make sure that she would not forget anything. 

 

When she felt like she couldn't hold off her sleep any longer, she kissed Regina on her lips one more time and whispered:

 

_I love you, Regina Mills._

 

Her eyelids grew heavier by the second. She felt, rather than heard, a whisper of breath upon her lips:

 

_I love you too, Emma Swan._

 

And with that she fell asleep with a smile on her face. 

 

* * *

 

The next day she woke up with an empty bed. She didn't have to go looking if Regina was moping in Henry's room or in her study staring out the window at her apple tree, she just knew that Regina was truly gone. Not like before where she could feel the traces of her magic lingering in the house. Now, the big mansion just felt empty. 

 

She stared at the side of the bed where Regina was lying last night. She could feel her heart breaking, shattering into pieces. She had let Regina go. And now she was truly alone. 

 

She cried herself hoarse that day. She griefed her parents, her son and her lover. Her family. She blamed the gods for taking them from her. She blamed herself for failing to protect them. 

 

For a month she locked herself in the mansion. Her day was spent between staring into spaces and crying herself to sleep. She tried to hold on to the memories of her family, however brief they were. But, everyday it was getting harder and harder to remember their voices and their smell. 

 

She only left when she could no longer smell Regina and Henry in the house. And also because there was no food left in the kitchen. 

 

She went to the station first. Apparently Ruby had taken it upon a herself to take the policing duty. The red hair assured her that nothing bad had happened in town while their sheriff was grieving. Emma was forever grateful for Ruby. 

 

She was also grateful that Granny took in baby Neal when she saw that Emma seemed to forgot that he existed. Emma did forget about her baby brother. After everything that had happened, she wasn't in a state to take care of a baby. 

 

Storybrooke had gone back to normal by now. The building were repaired, the citizen went back to their old life. When the bell rang to signal her arrival, the diner feel silence. Emma walked inside with her head down. She didn't want to see any pity in their eyes. 

 

Emma looked up just in time to see Granny almost barelling into her and pull her into a tight hug. The old woman fussed all over her, asking whether she had been eating all these weeks. She pushed Emma to sit on the stool and gave her a plate of bearclaws. Then, she rushed into the kitchen area with promise of double cheese burger and milkshake for the blonde. 

 

While Emma was left blinking back the tears at the table, Ruby went to the back to take baby Neal. She walked up to the sheriff with him babbling happily and playing with a plastic aeroplane toy. Emma looked up at him in awe, she could totally see the traces of Snow and David in his face and his smile. 

 

She took the baby with trembling arms. She took another look at him and felt herself crumbling into pieces once again. 

 

_I can't Ruby. I'm sorry._  

 

Emma ran out the diner as fast she could after shoving the baby into Ruby's arms. She ran all the way to the docks. Breathless, she fell to her knees beside the bench and cried. 

 

* * *

 

_Welcome to Storybrooke._

 

She didn't know how long she had been staring at the sign. The sun was starting to rise on the horizon, its warmth blanketing the strip of the road. She had left a letter to Ruby telling her that she needed to get away. That there was nothing left but bad memories here in Storybrooke. She left all of her savings for baby Neal. She also gave permission to get anything left from her family and use them for raising him. She hoped Ruby would understand. She knew baby Neal would grow up wanting for nothing in Ruby and Granny's care. 

 

And lastly, she ask for forgiveness. From everyone. She was sorry that she didn't know how to fix herself. 

 

So, she put her Bug into drive and let go the brake pedal. 

 

When she crossed the town line and when the magical barrier coursing through her body, suddenly she felt a relief that she had never felt settled in her heart. Suddenly, her shoulder felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted. Her breath felt deep and satisfying as if she had been drowning in all this time. 

 

She left behind not only her life, her family but also her love. And she had never felt any lighter than she was right now. 

 

THE END. 

 


End file.
